Then I met a man who had no feet (but shoes).
I bought the shoes from him for 50 percent off the going price on eBay, and resold them on Craigslist for four times what I paid. I used the profits to purchase the best darn shoes ever made. They were custom embroidered, with the signatures of every great rock star who ever lived. Eventually a collector came along, and I sold them for millions of dollars and bought my own shoe company. I then used my wealth to marry the most beautiful woman, who has since divorced me, taking my company and the vast majority of my fortune.
Moral: It doesn’t matter what you do, you will always be shoeless and crying!