While most men would like to think they have a pretty good grasp of the female species, most women would prefer to disagree. Here are 20 things research, surveys, and nerds in lab coats have uncovered over the years, that most of us men will likely benefit from knowing.
1. Urinary Tract Infections are Often Caused by an Unclean Guy…
If you don’t want a red light in the bedroom… wash your stuff! Enough said…
2. She Likes Porn, Too!
According to most studies, nearly 20 percent of all women are regular customers to porn, whether they’ll admit it or not. In 2006, a study at McGill University, monitored the genital temperatures of women who were subjected to various videos of the flesh. What they found, was despite the disinterest on their face while viewing these flicks, their temperature gauge told a different story. A story that spiked the Fahrenheit needle within the first 30 seconds of people getting naked. It took around 11 minutes for women to reach maximum arousal, but according to similar research, that’s about the same amount of time for a man. We’re not so different after all.
3. Most of Her Fantasies are Set Around You
According to surveys, most women in a relationship prefer fantasizing about their current partner (hot or not), than celebrities or imaginary characters on the cover of romance novels. This is quite the contrary to most men who regularly engage in fantasies about women other than their current partner. Interestingly, while the majority of American guys prefer ex-girlfriends, classmates, or co-workers to take the starring role of their fantasies, 25 percent of Canadian guys prefer fantasizing about an imaginary character, such as Jessica Rabbit or Barnie the Purple Dinosaur, while bumping an ugly.
4. If She Cuts the Night Short… She Might Really Need to Cut Something Else
Like the popular kids book, Everybody Poops, there is a new edition coming out soon for college guys, called, Everybody Farts. Depending on what she had for dinner, she might start filling up faster than a hot air balloon in the Mohave Dessert, and if she has no convenient place to release the pressure (far away from you), she might have to put an abrupt end to an otherwise perfect evening. This, however, does not mean that she didn’t have a good time, and should not effect your confidence to call her the next day.
5. Your Sexy When you Drive, Shave, Hold a Baby, and Wear a White T-Shirt
But not necessarily in that order. Even if you miss second gear, nick your chin, and the baby burbs green peas all over the white shirt, you’ll still be sexy-cool in their eyes!
6. If She Cheats, You Deserved it (at least in her mind)
Most guys cheat because they can, while women, according to studies, cheat because they feel entitled. A Toronto study on women cheaters found the majority (about 90 percent) who cheat on their boyfriend/husband feel no remorse or guilt. For one, these women believe emotional cheating (“I’m in love with my co-worker”) is much more inappropriate than a quick romp on the desk (“My co-worker is hot”). Studies at Marymount Manhattan College have shown, women tend to release themselves from the burden of guilt when their happiness is on the line. In other words, if their partner is not up to the job of making them happy, they feel entitled to find happiness, whether it means cheating for momentary pleasure, or as a catalyst to remove themselves from the current relationship.
7. Squeezing Boobs is not Foreplay
Most guys claim they already know this one, but according to the complaints of mass women on campuses around the globe, it is clear these lessons have not yet been taken into practice. While guys in porno’s appear to achieve quite a success rate by using this technique, those giggles of joy reverberating from the women’s plump, luscious lips are called, acting. If you really want to pleasure a woman, touch and caress… don’t grab and squeeze. But don’t forget to at least introduce yourself first!
8. Women Have Hair in Strange Places
We can really only blame society for this common misinformation among guys. Women have learned from an early age, that hair in every other place other than their head, is bad. Considering this perfect fantasy has gone on for centuries, a lot of guys just don’t realize that it is normal for a woman to exhibit hair on their breasts, buttocks, lower back, and stomach. If your girl doesn’t have any of these signs of being a disciple of Bigfoot, appreciate the time she has spent getting rid of it.
9. She will Mirror You if She’s Interested
This is an interesting experiment to partake in, even though I would not base any major conclusion on its outcome. Studies have shown that men and women who like each other, engage in a phenomenon known as “mirroring”. For instance, whenever a guy leans forward during a conversation at a bar, and the woman is interested in him, she will lean in after him, thinking, Hi, brown eyes. If he then leans back in the opposite direction, crossing his legs, she will pull back, crossing her own legs, and wonder what she did wrong. Researchers theorize the reasoning behind this phenomenon, is that women are trying to show interest by placing themselves among the same level as their suitor, displaying similar actions and mannerisms.
10. They Know You’re Lying… So Why Bother?
A lot of guys think they can weasel their way out of a stiff predicament by lying… but it is usually best to just fess up and get it over with.
11. One, Simple “Thank you” Goes a Long Way
Women often feel unappreciated for all the things they do for their guy. While some guys will do the obligatory dinner and a movie to thank them, according to research, showing appreciation is a lot easier than they realize. Studies in married couples and roommates have found that even when a relationship is completely lopsided in chores, the overworked partner will remain satisfied, as long as the other person remembers to say “Thank you” every now and then.
12. Male Friends “are” and will “Always Be”, Just Friends
Don’t mistake a woman’s friendship as an open door for something more to develop, according to most surveys. Once a woman has filed a guy away in the friendship cabinet where she also has been known to keep her tax information, he will almost never be able to sneak out into the lingerie drawer. Women love male comrades, especially to confide in them when another guy has treated them badly. After a first date, a handshake is an automatic invitation to do her taxes, a hug puts you in the running for seeing that lingerie, and a solid goodnight kiss gets a pinky in the drawer (pinky, not winky). Remember, if you fail the first time around, you’re better off keeping low a few months before re-trying, than hanging out in Friendsville, keeping track of old lingerie tax receipts!
13. Don’t mention PMS… Unless Your Asking to Buy Her Pads at the Store
Women do not like men to mention these three syllables, especially under the context, “Are you PMS-ing again?” Instead, it’s always better to hold your tongue, wait it out, and live to say something else wrong another day.
14. A Head Nod Does Not Equal Conversation
Men are innately simple creatures when it comes to communicating. One head nod, means, “What’s up,” two nods, “Well, okay, if it will get me laid,” and three, “Yeah, that sounds pretty good.” Women, on the other hand, communicate in a more complicated way, which means they expect men to listen and respond with words. Bonus points will go to those who can create a sentence out of the last couple of words that came from her mouth. Be forewarned however, that this does not mean that she wants you to solve her problem, only listen, repeat, and understand.
15. Macho for Fun, and Sensitive for Commitment
Most guys don’t realize that they can dictate their relationships simply by the way they look and act. According to a study at the University of Aberdeen, when women were shown photos of men enhanced as either masculine (square jaw, small eyes) or feminine (small chin, raised eyebrows), they overwhelmingly preferred the feminine men when instructed to search for a lifetime partner. Further studies have gone on to show that masculine men are usually the more preferred when a woman is looking for a good time. Who knew dodging commitment could be so easy!
16. Want to Really Impress Her… Ask to Meet Her Family
Many women have a very strong bond between their family, and when a guy initiates interest in that bond, it is the equivalent to a woman having lifetime season tickets on the 50 yard line of every Superbowl.
17. Some Pickup Lines Actually Work…
A classic study at the University of Edinburgh in Scotland, put Bam Margera’s arsenal of pickup lines to the test on over 205 undergraduates. What they found was intellectual, humorous lines worked reasonably well on most women, while the sexually-loaded lines were a big turn-off. The men in the study were given the exact same pickup lines, asking which ones they thought would fare the best under a first time encounter, and they overwhelmingly chose the sexually loaded lines (i.e. “Hi, I can carry a dozen donuts without even using my hands.”). What this research suggests, is instead of using old, tired lines, try complimenting a women sincerely (“You know your martini’s, this restaurant makes the best in town.”); making her laugh (“If you were a pirate and I was a tree, I’d let you shiver me timbers.”); or put together your own custom line for the situation (“Did you know this restaurant used to be a old mine shaft?”).
18. Woman’s Lib Does Not Include Going Dutch
According to countless surveys, women still expect (and appreciate) a guy to pickup the check. There are a number of reasons for this. One, it is not presumptuous for a man to pay for a date, if he was the one to initiate the date in the first place. Two, some women believe that due to the uneven pay scale in the workforce (about 20 percent), men theoretically make more money, and should therefore pickup the tab the majority of the time. The only caveat is, if she insists on paying half, let her, otherwise you’ll risk appearing inflexible, chauvinist, and disagreeable.
19. Women Like Spontaneity… Her kind of Spontaneity
Flowers given on a Thursday afternoon after a tough Chemistry exam is…. spontaneous and good! Flowers given every Valentines Day from freshman year to senior is… not spontaneous. Whisking her away on a weekend trip on short notice is… spontaneous and good! Showing up 15 minutes late for a date, exclaiming, “So, what do you want to do now?”… might seem spontaneous on your part, but will seem rather lame on hers!
20. She is Less Excited About Receiving Lingerie, Than You Are About Giving It
The saying goes that all women love pretty, shiny things, but when it comes to a glimmering Las Veas showgirl costumes, not all women are excited to climb aboard your fantasy train. There are two things you can do to ensure these gifts are accepted with open arms. First, don’t make lingerie her only gift. Second, “Find someone close to her size and relay that to the salesperson,” says Tyran, a Fredrick’s of Hollywood lingerie model. “Buying her a size that is too big is a no, no.” You wouldn’t stroll into an auto part store, asking for engine oil without at least having any idea of the weight you needed. The wrong weight could potentially lead to an engine seizure before even getting your dipstick in the tube!